


tried counting sheep

by keanushair



Series: all of our universes [9]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Fainting, Implied Sexual Content, Insomnia, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Prompt Fic, Protectiveness, Sleep Deprivation, Tumblr Prompt, eliott is yet again boyfriend of the year, lucas wont speak up even though he needs to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 10:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keanushair/pseuds/keanushair
Summary: anonymous: Lucas insomnia hits again, but he hids it until it gets to much?





	tried counting sheep

The decision to finally move in together didn’t necessarily come easily for either of them. Eliott had been a nervous wreck upon initially asking, meanwhile Lucas couldn’t bring himself to accept the fact that Eliott had no secret plans to leave in the middle of the night - never to be seen again. Once they were able to push past their individual worries, domestic life became a breeze. They learned how to enjoy the lapses in conversation. They enjoyed being able to exist in the same space without constantly needing to reassure themselves by touching the other. It became comfortable - the quiet, small, tranquil moments. It was everything they had ever wanted. **  
**

The quiet moments were frequently broken up, however, upon the realization that they no longer needed to muffle any sounds either of them made late at night. They had both grown accustomed to placing a hand over the other’s mouth or covering up an impending noise by kissing it away. These actions were no longer needed, though they often found themselves instinctively doing it regardless. It happened one early morning in which Lucas found himself having a hand cupped over his mouth in order to quiet him.

Lucas couldn’t help but laugh. “Quit it!” His voice was light, no true aggravation to be dedicated, as he moved Eliott’s hand away from his face.

“Sorry, sorry,” Eliott pressed two small kisses onto Lucas’s neck. “Fucking annoying habit.” Eliott’s words were stifled, though Lucas couldn’t blame him, and so they kept going. Every now and then, Eliott’s hand flew back up to quiet Lucas. The smaller boy simply smiled in return.

All in all, life had been good. They’d settled into a sort of domestic bliss that neither of them thought would ever be achievable. The boys would often come over to spend the night. The girls would come and eat dinner with them. Mika and Lisa would pop by, often unannounced, to continue their unofficial tradition of movie nights. Lucas and Eliott accepted each visitor with open arms - setting out blankets, ordering pizza, and throwing back as many beers as they could handle. It was, for all intents and purposes, the best life they could possibly be living.

 

Lucas was intent on keeping this perfect life, and so there were times in which keeping secrets felt appropriate. They had agreed, one late afternoon around three months into dating, to never keep secrets from one another.

“You have to swear, okay? As big or small as you think it may be, you tell me. Okay?” Eliott was holding out his pinky, which Lucas thought was both incredibly juvenile and unbearably cute.

“And you’ll tell me?”

“Of course.” It felt like a fair thing to ask of each other, especially considering the rocky beginning of their relationship, and so he agreed. He extended his own pinky, linking them together, and sealed the promise.

He didn’t like lying to Eliott about their promise. It ate away at him every minute of every day. Their relationship had been perfect, their domestic life had been amazing, and yet Lucas still found himself unable to simply settle into the path he’d been presented with. Something within him felt off - it didn’t quite fit - and so he remained incomplete.

It started not even a week into them living together. Eliott had settled into bed and fallen asleep hours ago. They were pressed against each other - Lucas’s chest against Eliott’s back - but Lucas still couldn’t bring himself to go to sleep. It was 3 in the morning now and they had gone to bed around 10PM the night before. Lucas found himself feeling thankful that Eliott had chosen to be the little spoon tonight. If he could see Lucas, eyes weighed down by the bags underneath of them and skin a little too pale, then he would panic. The night eventually ended with Lucas getting no more than two hours of sleep. When they woke up the next morning, he was careful to make sure that Eliott didn’t suspect anything.

 

As the weeks passed by, it became increasingly difficult to act as though nothing was wrong. The boys were all laughing about a joke that Lucas had missed the punchline to when they started raising questions. His chin had been resting in his hand, but his elbow slipped, prompting him to smack his head against the cold table. Eliott’s hand went to rest on Lucas’s lower back as he ducked his head down lower to inspect.

“Dude, are you okay?” Arthur asked, genuine concern painted across his face. Eliott was holding Lucas’s face now, but Lucas could only register a portion of what he was saying. He knew it had something to do about him being in pain, and so he shook his head lightly.

“No, no…” He said before removing Eliott’s hands from his face. “It’s nothing - seriously.” He had a snap to his words which let everyone know that the conversation was over. Eliott continued to steal glances at Lucas throughout the rest of the day and Lucas let him - silently hoping that maybe Eliott would decipher what Lucas was too afraid to say himself.

 

It continued like that for a while - Lucas slowly chipping away while Eliott desperately waited for Lucas to speak up. Eliott had attempted to initiate a conversation a few times, but to no avail, and so they let themselves both fall into an endless cycle. The cycle would have continued if it weren’t for a loud thud coming from the bathroom one late night.

Eliott didn’t remember Lucas getting out of bed. He had fallen asleep well over four hours ago, but Lucas’s side of the bed was cold. It felt as though he had never been in it to begin with. The thud woke him up from his sleep. The sheer volume of it couldn’t have been produced by anything other than a person, and so Eliott went to the bathroom in order to inspect. What he found was Lucas, laying down on the floor, sprawled out with his head uncomfortably shoved against the bottom of the toilet. It was a sad sight that would have disgusted Eliott if it weren’t for the fear quickly bubbling up within him. He knelt down and picked up Lucas in order to lay him back down on the bed. Lucas’s eyes were struggling to pry themselves open.

“Baby, are you okay? What the fuck.” The last part was muttered under his breath, but Lucas could still hear it in his sleep deprived haze. Eliott was running his fingers through Lucas’s hair and stroking his cheek a little too harshly. Lucas didn’t make any attempt to stop him.

“Sorry.” Lucas’s throat felt unbelievably dry - as though it hadn’t been used in years. He blinked and rolled his eyes in order to quell the stinging within them.

“What just happened?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas offered, but the look on Eliott’s face told him that his answer wouldn’t be enough - not this time. “I couldn’t go to sleep.”

“Baby, it’s been like this for months…” Eliott stopped stroking his cheek in favor of running his hand up and down Lucas’s arm. Lucas became aware of just how cold he truly felt.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Lucas…”

Lucas wasn’t sure why he felt like crying, but he let himself do it anyway. It wasn’t a pleasant sight and yet he couldn’t bring himself to care in the moment. His exhaustion wouldn’t allow him to feel embarrassment anymore.

“I’m sorry, Eliott,” His words were nearly undetectable from his sobs, but Eliott listened regardless. “I don’t know what to do.” Eliott lightly shushed him and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead, still running his fingers through his hair, before offering up a sad smile. It didn’t make Lucas feel much better.

“Lucas, you need to talk to someone about this…” Eliott looked him directly in the eyes as he spoke. “It doesn’t have to be me, but maybe your friends? Or a professional?” He said the last suggestion carefully - not wanting to ignite any more fear within Lucas. Still, Lucas knew it would be the smartest option - albeit the scariest.

“I don’t know…” He looked away from Eliott. His stare was too much, too honest, and so he closed his eyes instead.

“Just think about it, yeah?” Eliott was still stroking his hair and kissing his forehead - doing everything a picture perfect boyfriend should do - and yet Lucas still felt alone. Eliott couldn’t be the one to fix this for him - it had to be himself. He had to take the first step, and so he nodded.

“I’ll think about it.”

That much, he could promise.

**Author's Note:**

> send me prompts on tumblr: unmecchelou.tumblr.com


End file.
